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Wise Older Women!
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June, 2007 Newsletter
Because you have subscribed, you are receiving this newsletter honoring the wisdom and integrity of women in the second half of life. If your mail host program has difficulty reading and delivering this newsletter, you can view it, as well as previous newsletters at:
Table of Contents Welcome Women’s Wisdom Topic for May WOW! Forum WOW! Internet Pass-Arounds Upcoming Events Web Sites of Interest Closing Notes
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~* Welcome A warm welcome to what may be a record, 20 new subscribers, in one month! This gives me a chance to remind all of us this newsletter is about, for and by WOW! Wise Older Women! It is only as good as the wisdom, fun, questions and comments emailed to us. So please, send email regularly. Thanks to Patsy, Georgia, Debbie, Betty, Jena and Beverly for sending their thoughtful comments for all of us to enjoy this month. And to Shirley, Mary, Sandra, Janice and Eleanor for the goodies they sent along. We will all get some laughs and some good information. One more drum roll please. We have a new opportunity. Ever wished you could visit with your WOW! sisters more often? Now you can! We have established a Yahoo group for our convenience. We can chat as often as we wish. Two women, whose names you will recognize—Jena and Shirley—are responsible for this great idea! Jena began sending her journaling each morning to a group of friends. She wrote whatever was on her mind—honest, real and without regard for spelling, grammar or punctuation. Several times she mentioned this gave her a chance to share with women who could understand her feelings. Shirley picked up on Jena’s comments, saying, “We need a way to talk daily with those who understand.” So, here it is. Follow the first link below to join the group. Then address your email to the group address and it will go to everyone who has signed up. Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/wiseolderwomen Group email address: wiseolderwomen@yahoogroups.com One last piece of information. For all who are asking about next spring’s WOW! Cruise—details will be in July’s newsletter.
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~* Women’s Wisdom “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow -- Melody Beattie From Eleanor Wandke:
May you,
and all those you love,
--Author unknown *~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~* Topic for June: Gratitude When I worked as a school counselor, I kept a file—not the computer kind—just an old-fashioned manila one where I put the cards and notes I received throughout the school year. I labeled this file, “Good News”. When the “bad news” walking through my middle school crisis counselor door became overwhelming, I’d pull the Good News out. Reading through it changed my perspective and reminded me why I continued to do a job that dealt with so much pain. With my spirits lifted, I could make the day on one small chocolate bar instead of the whole bag. Why is it so hard to remember the good news and so easy to focus on the bad? After years of trying to implement strategies to think positive thoughts, I can still get in a repetitive, negative loop. Around and around, like a Ferris Wheel, those scary, worried, panicky thoughts go through my head. “Oh, poor me” or “I am in over my head.” Enough of those thoughts and I wind up feeling stuck on top, swaying in the air, sure I’ll die before that wheel turns and gets my feet back on the ground! All the where’s and what if’s of my recent decisions have me up in the air, swaying, first one way and then the other. With all the changes and the myriad moving parts that need to mesh, I couldn’t seem to turn off the worries and fears. That’s why I need my friends—the other women who do understand and can help me recognize my fears. Then we can remember we’ve been here in the past, we’ve ridden these Ferris Wheels before and we’ve lived through it all. We laugh and move on. One friend asked if I was continuing to write daily on my gratitude list. (I got this from Oprah when I heard her say she has been writing five things she’s thankful for each day for years and years and years.) I answered honestly, “No, I let that slide awhile back.” Why do I quit doing what works? Do you do the same? We have lived long enough to know our thoughts create our lives—the more we focus on negative, the more negative we’ll get. The more we focus on gratitude, the more good we have. Certainly we want as much good as we can cram into the last half of our lives. So today, I’m back on my gratitude routine. Every day I remember, I’ll take a few minutes to add to my list. I know this changes my perspective. When I focus on gratitude, I feel calm, positive and fearless. I’ll share with all of you my gratitude list for today. I’m grateful for 1) Each one of you reading this newsletter 2) The cool relief the rain has brought 3) Having some time to read and write 4) The birthday cards I received 5) Relaxing into my “new place to be.”
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~ WOW! Forum: From Patsy Tucker: I loved your thoughts in the WOW Newsletter....sounded just like my dear friend Johanna Rucker in Georgia....she's a wonderful writer also...and incredible shaman, much like you. So glad to know you both... Relax into the peace.... I am relaxing with you... ahhhhhhh, how sweet it is! Nancy’s Note: You’ve added a word to my vocabulary—shaman. Had to look it up to find it meant sage, spiritualist! Many thanks, Patsy! From Georgia Phillips: Just finished reading the May Newsletter. Loved your analogy of you and bread making. Wouldn’t you know I’d recently made home-made bread (for my mother’s day family dinner). First time in a long time – ended up with two loaves and lots of rolls. And I just ate the last roll with this evening’s dinner before opening up my email and seeing the newsletter. Hmmm. YES, and yes again. This is your time of healing, resting, reading, relaxing, doing whatever it is you want – or not, whatever feels right. And as we mature more, we need more of that “in-between space.” It’s in-between the activities that we are compelled to join, participate in, create, etc. Let the mind float for awhile and see where it goes. The trip could be better than you can imagine. From Debbie Holt: Thank you, Nancy, for sharing your thoughts and feelings about this new place in your life. I can relate to your experience as it seems the last 10 years of my life have been in constant motion and change. After my husband died in 1997, I sold our house in 1999 and moved to Grapevine, then bought a house in 2000, then lost several close elders in my family over the next few years due to illnesses, and made the decision to take early retirement from my job in November, 2005. (By the way, I came to that decision out of the experience of a WOW Retreat and the support and encouragement of the wonderful sisters in that circle.) I believe the experience of being unfettered to a job or a relationship has finally been my time of transition which I have come to realize was necessary to truly discover my true self. It has not been easy. Many days I would be in turmoil about what I "should" or "needed" to get done that day. It was difficult on me to have no structure in my day, to feel so disorganized, to be the only one telling me what to do. I was not prepared for those feelings. I think I have been too hard on myself. While reading Sarah Ban Breathnach's book titled, Moving On, she described the transition periods we all face sooner or later after events of loss in our lives. I realized that I had not fully experienced being all to myself after the deaths in my family. This was my transition period, moving on from being a wife, mother, employee, with all the energy, responsibilities and obligations that come with those roles. Once it had a name and a validation, it became clear to me that there was a reason the Universe gave me this experience. I needed it. I had never really been alone before. Maybe I had never really grieved my losses. But, I know now that we all come to periods of transition in our lives at one time or another and it's a good thing. So, now, Nancy, you are doing the right thing in just being in the moment and soaking it in, readjusting to your new surroundings, your new place in this life. Don't be too hard on yourself. I highly recommend Sarah's book for those experiencing a "Moving On" time in their lives. She really opens up about her own life experiences, and it hasn't all been a bed of roses since Simple Abundance first hit the bookstores. I am feeling and doing better now, probably because of new perspectives and insights, time has passed, and it is Spring in Texas and the weather has been beautiful. That will get me out the funkiest of moods! From Betty Lambert: Good job Nancy. I hope to hear all about your new adventure soon. From Jena Roberson: I am devastated to receive the news from my dear friend that she is diagnosed with cancer of the uterus. She will call today to let me know what the doctors say her options are. This, my friends, is a prime example of families that get mad at another member of family and then don't speak or have nothing to do with them for months or years. Now that they have received this horrible news they are grief stricken to think they may lose her and they all gather around to love and support her. Why can't we do that before something happens? Why can't we just keep on loving no matter what and forgive each other our short comings? We are all human and we all make mistakes that we are sorry for but if the other person won't forgive us what can we do? We must learn to love each other no matter what. And forgive each other no matter what. We are family and we stick together no matter what. I think this is a good lesson for all of us for we all have been guilty of this one time or another. I think of my friend and I picture a big angel with large white wings that enfolds her and keeps her safe so nothing can hurt or harm her. And I don't even believe in angels or prayer. Some things that we are taught as children we never lose, do we? Really caught up in thinking and stressing, etc. There is so much going on in my life right now. I wonder how I can function. But some how I keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. I am filled with wonder at how much one can love another person and not be blood related. I am filled with wonder how friends step forward to hold one another up and do for and care for. I think I believe more about God and love than I thought I did. I don't believe all that about walking on water, parting the waters, a virgin giving birth etc. etc. But, I feel very strongly that there is a power of love in each and every one of us. There is "something" we call on when all else fails, something that sustains us no matter what. As my friend says, hold it to the "light". Each and every person we meet, gives us a little of themselves and we in return give of ourselves. Some of us are more needy. We have special people come into our lives for just that. Others pass through quickly, but none the less, leave small pieces of themselves. Families have so much garbage between them. That is where friends come in. They are able to be more open and certainly our peers can relate more to our needs and thoughts, etc. Our children don't know. They haven't experienced the things that we have over our years here. Someday they will and then they will say, now I know why Mother did this or that. I understand. I hope today is a good day for you all. I hope you will think of those you love and have loved and if there is bitterness or unforgiveness in your heart, I hope you will let your tears wash it a way. From Beverly Hayes:
So nice to get the newsletter!
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~* WOW! to WOW! From Shirley Haight: The Laws of Ducks Duck Law No. 1 If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, looks like a duck and cooks like a duck, it's a duck. Restatement: All things are known by their attributes. Duck Law No. 2 Even under ideal circumstances, no duck, no matter how noble or well-intentioned, can be an eagle. Restatement: All things must be what they are. Duck Law No. 3 A duck can pretend to be an eagle except in times of adversity. Restatement: Pretense and adversity are inversely proportional; adversity reveals the true nature of all things. Duck Law No 4 No duck may be an eagle until it abandons its webbed feet and bill for talons and a beak. Restatement: All things remain as they are until the attributes that define them are abandoned. Then, and only then, can they evolve. Duck Law No. 5 Ducks are noble creatures. They shall not be penalized in the eyes of other creatures because they are not eagles. Restatement: All things are honorable if they are what they are honestly, even if they are different from you. Duck Law No. 6 The greatest duck that ever was cannot fly as high as even a modest eagle. Restatement: If one would soar with eagles, do not swim with ducks. Duck Law No. 7 Ducks flock. Eagles fly alone. Ducks and eagles never mingle. Restatement: Choose your company wisely. Duck Law No. 8 A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why. Restatement: Sometimes there is no answer. From Mary Salerno: Are Your Thoughts Making You Old? By Anne Kreamer (with thanks to Yahoo!) What words would you associate with being old? I asked a few people recently, and here are just some of the words they used: fuddy-duddy, not fresh, decrepit, sad, wrinkly, tired, stiff, brittle, unhappy, invisible, obsolete, diminished, fat, fragile, cranky, and marginalized.
Wise and experienced were the
two positive words that came up, but only after I pushed to
see if there might be anything good about getting older. First, they asked a group of septuagenarians what words they used to describe an old person. According to Levy's article, they discovered that "those who had stereotypes like ‘feeble' and ‘senile' had significantly more hearing loss than those who had positive associations with age such as ‘wise' and ‘active.'" In a different study, the researchers followed the recovery patterns of recent heart attack patients and found that those who thought about aging in a more positive way recovered more quickly and successfully.
In an activity as simple as
walking, the Yale team's research revealed that even when
playing with stereotypes on an extremely subtle level by
subliminally flashing words like "alert" or "mature" to one
group and "senile" or "decrepit" to another resulted in the
participants in the positive group subsequently walking
faster and with better balance.
Levy believes that "becoming
aware of their presence in everyday life is a first step
toward questioning their validity." She suggests that
keeping a journal to become more sensitized to positive
images and embodiments of aging could have significant
health benefits. From Sandra Valiquette: Drivers need to have every confidence they are receiving exactly what they pay for every time they fill up." But lofty prices have drivers focusing on their gas spending. Consumer complaints about faulty pumps increased 109 percent from fiscal year 2004 to 2006, said David Kostroun, the Agriculture Department's assistant commissioner for regulatory programs. Inspectors found 7,400 violations in fiscal year 2006. They've flagged 3,400 pumps from September through now, the department said. "We have heard a number of complaints about" inaccurate pumps, said Jason Toews, co-founder of the Web site GasBuddy.com, a consumer advocacy site that tracks gas prices. "It may not be that there's more of that going on right now, but people are paying more attention because of the high gas prices." From Janice Holloway: Q: What is the most common remark made by 50+ year olds when they enter antique stores? A: I remember these. From AARP: Freebie 411. We’ve had information about free 411 before, but it’s worth repeating and we are even adding to it. For local and national listings, there’s 1.800.FREE.411 and 1.800.411.SAVE. You’ll must listen to a few seconds of advertising, but that’s easier than the prices they’re charging for 411 fees, not to mention trying to read the print in phone directories.
Upcoming Events July 10-15, 2007 in Dallas
For information and registration please visit the website at www.womenspeaceconference.org Join a WOW! Wise Older Women! Circle: Third Sunday: New WOW! Wise Older Women! Circle in Dallas/Richardson area! 1:30 p.m. at the Center for Spiritual Living. International Place, 4801 Spring Valley Rd., Suite 115, Dallas TX 75244. For more information email Sue at s.haarala@att.net or call her at 214.373.8898. Second Sunday: WOW! Wise Older Women! of Grapevine The next meeting, July 8, will feature our founder, Nancy Garland. Come join us at 1:00 p.m. at Fellowship Hall of Unity of Grapevine, just off 121 at Glade. Book Club of this group meets the third Thursday at 7 p.m. Contact: Debbie Holt at holtdl@verizon.net for information about the Creative Group that meets some Saturday afternoons, about an out-to-eat group and a group that gathers occasionally to share financial knowledge about investing. Third Sunday: WOW! Wise Older Women! Circle Elizabeth Mote-Cara’s has moved and she wants to start a WOW! Circle in Richardson. If you are interested, contact her at: elmcaras@hotmail.com or on her cell: 972.429.1156.
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~* Web Sites of Interest WOW! Wise Older Women! website: Subscribe to this newsletter and view archives of previous ones: http://www.wiseolderwomen.com From Gather the Women: http://www.gatherthewomen.org This information comes to me because of my association with From Sage-ing to Age-ing. One of the facilitators is organizing this event. If you are interested in this topic, you can get information about a conference July 28-29 in Ashville, N. Carolina: http://www.womenlivingincommunity.com From Nancy: A new approach to building communication bridges for women around the world, Women’s Radio: http://www.audioacrobat.com/note/CyPCXt5s/ From Mary Salerno: Check out this WOW! http://www.dailyherald.com/galleries/benskate/index.html Nancy’s Note: Caution is advised. Viewing this may encourage you to start an exercise program! From Janice Holloway: I just received a remarkable e-mail from co-workers. I tried to pass it on to you, but the pictures won't come through. Here's the website if you're interested in seeing a limbless person: http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/ May none of us ever complain about anything again. Nancy’s Note: Hope you’ll view this amazing story of a young man. One of his goals is to write a book entitled, “No Arms, No Legs, No Worries!”
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~* Closing Notes Enjoy this newsletter? Want to change the paradigm for women in the second half of life to one that values our wisdom? Forward this month's newsletter to all WOW! Wise Older Women! friends. It’s easy to start a WOW! Circle in your area. Email nancy@wiseolderwomen.com. Your creative efforts, astute comments, lavish praise and short criticisms are encouraged and appreciated. Send them to nancy@wiseolderwomen.com Copyright© 2007, all rights reserved. Permission is granted to reproduce, copy or distribute this newsletter as long as this copyright notice and full information about contacting the author are attached. The author of this newsletter is Nancy Garland, M.Ed., LPC. She is a writer, coach and facilitator for women in the second half of life, individually and in groups. She plans workshops, retreats, and travel events for WOW! Wise Older Women!
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